I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
