Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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