so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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