I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
