My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
