Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
