trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
