I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
