Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
