She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
