They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
