these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
