JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
