Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
