Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
