Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
