last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
