Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
