Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
