it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
