Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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