im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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