I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize