I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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