Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
