There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
