she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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