I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize