Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
