i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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