He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
