So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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