i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
