I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
