11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
