3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
