operation harelip BJ is a go
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
