My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
