haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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