Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
As shirtless as possible
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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