I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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