I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
