I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize