omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
