You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize