the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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