yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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