come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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