Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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