I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
