I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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