New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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