is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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