i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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