Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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