the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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