I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
