I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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