the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
