I cockslap morals
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
