the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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