my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I won the penis lottery.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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