I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
