Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
