those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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