Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
