Don't make out with my wife yet
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
