Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
