I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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