for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
