Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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