"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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