I just pynch a tree in the face
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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