And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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