I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
