Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
