If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
