he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
