i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
