how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
