My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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