he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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