fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
