i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
