Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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