I am puke
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
