her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize