She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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