Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
