I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
