Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
