I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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