Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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