do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
