I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
