It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
